


Regretting All That We Didn’t Do

by Oceanicsignposts



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Anal Sex, Angst, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Bottom Sirius Black, Fix-It, Flirting, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Frottage, Implied/Referenced Character Death, M/M, Mutual Pining, Oneshot, Porn With Plot, Top James Potter
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-12
Updated: 2019-02-12
Packaged: 2019-10-26 15:35:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 10,241
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17748596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Oceanicsignposts/pseuds/Oceanicsignposts
Summary: Sirius has a premonition of James and Lily being killed by Voldemort (as per canon) while in divination class and is horrified by the idea of it coming true. He's hopelessly in love with James Potter, and he can't stand the idea of losing him (again?). He decides to do anything that he can to make things just a little bit different, to change things and take back his regrets. They end up flirting far more than they ever did before, except they're both joking, right? They know that they love each other, but is the other really joking or genuine?





	Regretting All That We Didn’t Do

**Author's Note:**

> This is a “fix-it” fic. This is NOT a time travel fic although people that enjoy time travel fics will hopefully enjoy this one. The problem with time travel is an even playing field between two characters in a romantic relationship. I didn’t want Sirius to be an adult getting a “do-over” to have a life with James. Thus, everything that’s book canon happened in Sirius’s head, but he’s still got the maturity level of a seventh year student trying to sort all of that out. 
> 
> This is like 60% banter and 100% trope laden. There’s more Lily drama than I usually like so heads up for that.
> 
> Trigger Warnings: Major character death? I mean, James doesn’t die in this, but you KNOW what you’re getting into since Sirius is getting a do-over with a glimpse into the future with visions of James’s death so it’s sad in places. Also, there is bad sex that I need to warn for in this- not noncon or dubcon (honestly imo if it’s dubcon then it’s noncon, but I understand why people use the distinction in fics) but it might be triggering to people. It’s NOT between James and Sirius though.

 

_ No _ .

Regret and horror filled him.

_ No! Not yet! Not yet. I have to- _

There was no pain.

_ Harry! Get out! Get out. We’ll take care of this! Just go! _

He had to get back. He had to protect Harry. He had promised to protect Harry- years and years ago.

He heard a loud THUD.

Then his head  _ hurt _ .

“Padfoot! Are you okay?” he asked, dropping to Sirius’s side.

“Harry!” Sirius said, looking up into hazel eyes that he thought should have been green for some reason.

“No, I’m Prongs. Moony is the hairy one, but he didn’t take divination, remember?” James said, grinning from ear to ear.

Sirius’s hand went to his head. “I think that I want to go to the Hospital Wing,” he said, still not sitting up even though he was sprawled on the floor of the divination classroom in an undignified manner and other students were gawking at him.

“You did hit your head pretty hard on the way down. You broke the crystal ball clean in half,” James said.

“Go on, both of you,” Professor Syradis said. She was visibly eager to get both troublemakers out of her class for the afternoon and possibly eager to pack up and leave herself. 

James offered Sirius his hand and helped him struggle to get upright. 

“Dizzy, sorry,” Sirius said, leaning heavily against James. 

“I can’t believe you fainted,” James said. “What happened?”

“Dunno,” Sirius said, and he really didn’t know. One moment they were gazing into a crystal ball, and the next he was getting rapid fire memories (could they be memories if they hadn’t actually happened?) racing through his mind. He hadn’t remembered collapsing. 

He tried not to think about the memories — premonitions? — too hard at the moment. If he thought about them, he was sure that he was going to hyperventilate on the way down the stairs of the divination tower. 

There it was regardless.

“Breathe, Padfoot,” James told him. “Slow breaths. We’ll get you to Madam Pomfrey and get you sorted. 

Sirius took deep steadying breaths, trying to slow them down before they continued down the steps.

“You’re really pale,” James said worriedly.

“I’m fine,” he said, because he was, or at least he would be after he had some time to lay down and think about what had happened. 

“Right,” James said disbelievingly.

He felt awful the entire walk to the Hospital Wing, leaning against James for support. He clung to him tighter than he would ordinarily—

... _ James and Lily Potter dead _ …

—and hoped that James would just assume that he was ill. That plan seemed to be working so far, although it garnered misdirected sympathy.

“It’s going to be okay, Padfoot,” James reassured him, voice softer and more gentle. It reminded him of the tone that James had used when he had run away from home- treating him as if he might crack.

“I’m fine,” Sirius mumbled again, because he should have been the one reassuring James.

James led him into the Hospital Wing. “Madam Pomfrey? Two of your favorite repeat offenders are here,” he said, though his tone belied the levity of his words.

“What have you done now?” Madam Pomfrey asked.

“Sirius fainted in divination class,” James told her.

“Come sit down,” Madam Pomfrey told him. “Let me take a look at you.”

Sirius sat on the bed, fidgeting as Madam Pomfrey examined him.

“Nasty knock on the head,” Madam Pomfrey told him. “What happened?”

“Erm… We were using the crystal balls. I saw— well I guess it was a premonition,” Sirius said. “I guess I fainted after that.”

Madam Pomfrey clicked her tongue skeptically. “It’s too warm in that classroom. I’m always telling people that. It’s too warm, but they never listen. It makes students foggy headed. They’re all a bit more gullible that way. Here, let me see to your head,” she told Sirius.

“What kind of premonition did you have? You didn’t mention that,” James said, looking at him curiously while Madam Pomfrey patched up the bump on his head.

“Erm, well it was a long one really. You were married to Evans—”

“I was married to Evans? You’ve got to tell me all about this one,” James said eagerly with a cheeky grin.

Sirius’s expression soured at that— he knew that James liked Lily, and didn’t begrudge him that. It’s just that James… well, James and Sirius had belonged to each other for a long time now as friends, and Sirius didn’t like the intrusion of Lily. James was always showing off for her. He  _ hated _ that. He tried to ignore any feelings that he had for his best friend, although it didn’t always work.

“Well, you don’t look happy about that,” James remarked. “Not a happy marriage?”

“No, you were plenty happy. You had a great wedding and a son together. You were both murdered by You-Know-Who in the premonition though,” Sirius said.

James frowned. “Well, it’s just a divination class. We both know that it’s all bunk,” he said.

“Yeah,” Sirius agreed. He did feel a bit better about it. Divination wasn’t reliable and even though they were both taking the class, it was mostly because they didn’t want to put in the added work of arithmancy. 

“Your head should start feeling better. I wouldn’t put much stock in divination, myself,” Madam Pomfrey told him. “You’re cleared to go back to class.”

“Thank you,” James said cheerily, sending Sirius a knowing glance. They  _ definitely  _ weren’t going back to divination.

“See you again soon,” Sirius told Madam Pomfrey.

“I hope not, for your sake,” she told them.

“Cheers,” James said brightly.

Sirius followed James out and they hurried back up to the Gryffindor common room before they could be caught wandering the corridors during class time. They didn’t talk much on the way up to the common room, focused on speed rather than conversation.

Once they got in the common room, however, was a different story. 

“So, tell me all about how I’m going to marry Evans,” James said. 

“I thought you said that it was ridiculous,” Sirius reminded him.

“It is, but I still want to hear about how I got together with Evans,” James said with a grin. “It’s bound to be a good story.”

“I don’t know how you got together with Evans. I just know that you did. I was the best man at your wedding,” Sirius said.

“I  _ would _ pick you if I were really getting married. You’ll be my best man no matter what,” James agreed. Sirius wished that it didn’t hurt that he couldn’t imagine something different than that- like the pair of them standing at the altar with Remus and Peter as part of the wedding party. “What was our son like?”

“Erm… he looked like you except he had Lily’s eyes. You named him Harry after your grandfather,” Sirius told him.

“That’s a good name,” James said, although he looked a little less enthusiastic and more solemn at that. He seemed to carefully consider that name as a possibility.

“He ended up having to live with Lily’s awful sister after you were killed,” Sirius said.

“Tell me less about the killing, and more about Evans and me,” James told him, shaking his head.

“I don’t want to talk about Evans,” Sirius said with frustration. He headed up towards the dormitory.

“What? Why?” James asked.

“I’m going to go lay down,” Sirius told him.

“Still not feeling well? Do you need to go to the hospital wing again?” James asked, concerned about him then.

“I don’t think so. I just… It was weird. I died too in the premonition if it makes you feel any better,” Sirius said.

“How did you die?” James asked.

“I was fighting Bellatrix with your son,” Sirius said. “She was teamed up with You-Know-Who.”

James frowned. “I think… you shouldn’t worry about it. It’s just like Madam Pomfrey said, isn’t it? It was just the heat of the classroom getting to you. I mean, life’s not going to happen like that.”

“I hope not,” Sirius said. None of them had been happy in his premonition. Everyone had ended up with dismal futures.

“Want to go to Hogsmeade and sneak some chocolate from Honeydukes?” James asked.

“Why not?” Sirius decided. He knew that James was trying to take his mind off of it, but that worked for both of them.   
  


——————————-   
  


It took a couple days of feeling like he was in an intense bout of d éjà vu before Sirius went to Professor Syradis’s office. He knocked, while standing awkwardly outside the corridor.

“Yes? Come in, Sirius,” she said without opening the door.

“How did you know that it was me?” Sirius asked as he stepped inside.

“The mind’s eye knows,” Professor Syradis said with a straight face. Sirius’s eyes must have grown large because she shook her head. “No, actually I have a charm set up to let me know.”

“Oh,” Sirius said. 

“You can sit down,” Professor Syradis said. “What’s troubling you?” 

“Er, I had a premonition,” Sirius said hesitantly. “It happened the day that I fainted in class.”

Professor Syradis frowned and leaned across the desk, eyeing him. “You didn’t strike me as very adept at divination,” she said. Sirius couldn’t even be properly offended by that because he had never taken the class seriously. “Sometimes it’s the unexpected ones though. What did you have a premonition about?”

“Well, James Potter ended up married to Lily Evans, had a child with her, and that child ended up being the one that was supposed to defeat You-Know-Who. Lily and James were killed by You-Know-Who, but James’s son couldn’t be killed by him. I also spent twelve years in Azkaban for a murder that I didn’t commit,” Sirius said, realizing as he said it that it sounded absolutely absurd.

Professor Syradis frowned. “I need a different job,” she said. 

“What?” Sirius asked.

“I’m not a good professor,” she said frankly. “I don’t know what to tell you. I want to go back home and read tarot cards for muggles. The pay was awful, but I wasn’t responsible for other people’s children.”

“Er…” Sirius said uncomfortably. 

“I think that you should try to forget about it,” Professor Syradis said. “If things start to come true, then worry about it, but not yet. A lot of prophecies don’t come true. Also, most people don’t believe in divination or at least they don’t take it very seriously.”

Sirius’s shoulders slumped. “I’ve had d éjà vu for days now,” he told her. “I think it was a real premonition, even if it sounds ridiculous.”

“I don’t think that you should go around telling people about it though,” Professor Syradis told him. “They’ll think that you’re mad.”

“I’m not mad!” Sirius said quickly. “You would understand if it happened to you!”

“I do understand,” Professor Syradis told him. “There’s just nothing that can be done. Can you imagine trying to tell anyone about the premonition?”

“...No,” Sirius said, sounding far more defeated.

“I’m not paid enough for this,” Professor Syradis said to herself again,

“How much are you being paid?” Sirius asked curiously.

“It doesn’t matter. It’s just not enough. Look, just try to do things that will get rid of the d éjà vu. Try new things. Shake things up and forget about it. Those that have the gift are relatively powerless to do anything about it,” Professor Syradis told him.

“I’m thinking about dropping divination,” Sirius told her.

“That’s fine. If you do have a talent for it, and your future is that ominous, it’s perhaps for the best to ignore it,” she said. “I can cast a light obliviate on you if you’d like.”

Sirius stood, in shock and horror then. “No. Why the hell would I want to be obliviated?”

“It helps, sometimes,” Professor Syradis said with a shrug. “People have a hard enough time dealing with memories. The past is enough of a struggle. Those without the gift tend to worry about the future as well. It’s just worse if you’re worrying about a future that is fixed and there’s nothing to be done about it. That makes it all a bit hopeless.”

“Is it common to use obliviate when you’re a seer?” Sirius asked.

Professor Syradis shrugged. “Sometimes I perform mild ones on myself. It’s not a good habit to get into, but it can be worthwhile,” she said bluntly. “Seeing both the past and future makes people a bit numb to the world.”

“I’m definitely dropping divination,” Sirius said. “And I’m going to tell the headmaster what you said.”

“He already knows how I feel about everything. He’s already looking for another professor for the position. He’s not going to find one though,” Professor Syradis said with a shrug. “I’m getting sacked in a couple of years anyway.”

“And you know that?” Sirius questioned. 

“I think that I do,” Professor Syradis admitted. 

“Shit,” Sirius said. He backed up away from her quickly and slammed the door behind him.

He hurried back to the common room and into the dormitory, going over to his bed and flopping onto it. He covered his eyes with his forearm. He couldn’t deal with this. He couldn’t believe a professor could be that awful. He wasn’t even sure that she was truly an awful person— she was just a lousy teacher.

“Sirius? Are you okay?” Remus asked softly from his bed. He sounded tired.

Sirius looked over at him, noticing that he was just as tired as he sounded and had a book open in his lap. “I don’t know. Not really,” he said.

“What’s wrong?” Remus asked.

“Well, remember how I told you about the divination class that went a bit sideways?” Sirius asked. 

“Yes,” Remus said. “I remember.”

“Well, I still feel like I can’t wake up, and that I’m stuck in this awful premonition. Everything feels the same except for when I talk about the premonition. James thinks that the premonition was bollocks though,” Sirius said.

“Well, divination  _ is _ a bit dodgy,” Remus said. “I wouldn’t worry about it.”

Sirius deflated. Remus didn’t believe him either.

“I s’pose,” Sirius mumbled. He sighed and tugged the curtains on his four poster shut.

“Sirius?” Remus said.

“I’ve a headache. Just going to take a short kip,” Sirius said. He rubbed at his eyes.

“I’m sure that whatever premonition you had won’t come true. It will be fine,” Remus said more kindly.

“Shut up,” Sirius muttered.

“It’s not going to happen. Don’t worry so much about it,” Remus reassured him.

“Shut up!” Sirius said again, and this time he stood, storming out of the dorm room to at least get some time to himself. 

When he started down the corridors, he saw James trying to flirt again with Lily, fingers running through his hair. This time she was laughing. All Sirius could see even as he stared at them was the gravemarker in Godric’s Hollow in white marble.  _ In loving memory of James Potter and Lily Potter. _ They were seventeen now and still looked young– would still look young when they died only in their early twenties. They were so very young. He could only think about anguished howls he had let out as he stared at a marker that seemed like it couldn’t be real. He wished that he could bury all of his love and heart in the hole with the pair of them as well. He felt like he already had. His heart ached. His best friend that he loved very much was doomed to an early death and didn't believe him about it.

Yet, James was still laughing with Lily until he spotted him.

“Padfoot, you look like you’ve seen a ghost–– and not a fun one like Nearly Headless Nick either. What’s wrong?” James asked.

“Nothing,” he said. He wanted to say ‘ _ everything _ .’

“You sure you’re alright?” James asked quizzically. 

Sirius glanced at Lily, who was standing just a bit too close to James for his liking. She was a perfectly wonderful girl; he only resented her because he liked James more than any friend should. She even looked like she was interested in him right now with the lip biting and her dark red hair wound around one of her fingers. Any other day he would have said  _ ‘I’m fine.’  _ It was a constant litany of  _ ‘I’m fine. Sure, Prongs. You’ll get with Lily. Stop showing off and she’ll like you. She’ll come around. Don’t mind me.’ _ Today it hurt badly and it felt like heartbreak. 

“I…” he said and didn’t continue. What could he say? He was fine. He’s was plenty recovered from his fall in divination class. James wouldn’t believe him about the premonition. No one really wanted to hear that they were going to die young.

“Padfoot?” James asked, reaching out and putting his hand on Sirius’s shoulder. 

“I’m just a bit out of sorts. I’m fine,” Sirius said, deciding that was the only way he could put it. James would have known that he was lying if he said that he was perfectly fine now. 

James glanced at Lily, hesitantly, but seemed to give in to wanting to help Sirius more than he wanted to flirt with her. “Let’s go get a bit of fresh air, right?” he said. He smiled a wide charming smile at Lily that Sirius was used to being on the receiving end of most of the time. “I’ll see you later.”

“See you. Don’t get in too much trouble, or Dumbledore won’t let you stay Head Boy,” Lily chided.

“I won’t,” James promised although the promise fell flat in spite of the charming smile.

He started walking out of the castle and Sirius followed behind him, although they fell into step, side by side. 

It was more chilly out than either of them would have hoped for, and the near mist quickly made their robes stick to them although they weren’t quite damp. They headed out to the lake and sat down next to it. 

“I was hoping it would be a bit more sunny out,” James told him, looking skyward. “Is it the divination that’s still bothering you? Sunshine would help a bit more with that. It’s hard to clear a foggy head while you’re literally in the fog.”

“The sun would be nice,” Sirius admitted.

“I wish that you weren’t still thinking about that premonition. It’s nothing to worry about Padfoot. Have you thought about talking to a Professor about it?” James asked.

“I did,” Sirius said. “It wasn’t helpful.”

“Which professor did you talk to?” James asked. 

“Professor Syradis,” Sirius admitted. He was beginning to speculate on her advice though. ‘ _ Shake things up. Try new things _ .’ Anything to get out of the dreadful sense of déjá vu.

“Oh, no wonder,” James said, rolling his eyes. He slung an arm around Sirius. “You, mate, need to talk to Professor McGonagall instead. She has  _ sensible _ opinions about divination. Remember when we were in fourth year and it was predicted that one of my friends was going to betray me? Never happened. It’s never going to happen! McGonagall assured us that it was absurd and it was!”

Sirius was quiet. James was going to be betrayed. He had nearly forgotten that prediction their professor had made. He could see why she had suggested the obliviate. It was all jumbled up in his head, past, present, and future and it was too much for any one person to think about. He would never trust Peter again.

He rubbed at his eyes.

“Padfoot? Don’t worry about it. C’mon. Don’t worry. C’mere,” James told him, wrapping his arms around him and hugging him tightly. He patted his back. “Maybe Professor Syradis accidentally doped the tea leaves that day. You don’t know. It’s not going to come true. It’s not going to happen. I’m going to win Evans over and we’re going to have three children. You’re going to be my best man at the wedding, find a girl you like too and then our kids will wreck havoc on McGonagall too.”

Sirius sniffled at that, holding onto James tightly. ‘ _ Shake things up _ .’ He kept thinking about it. 

“That’s not how it’s going to happen,” he said.

“Of course it is. Your premonition-“

“No, that’s not how it’s going to happen-“

They were both trying to talk over each other now.

“is completely wrong. We’re going to be fine. It’s ridiculous-“

“It’s not going to happen like that, because I’m gay.”

“What?” James asked, stopping short then. He shut up.

“That’s not how it’s going to happen, because I’m gay,” Sirius repeated. It came easier this time, because he knew James would take it well. It wasn’t awkwardly confessed when James asked him to officially be his best man- and Sirius couldn’t help but feel resentful about it since he had been seeing a muggle at the time. Evidently the paperwork for that was complicated. Sirius really didn’t understand paperwork, and that part of the premonition was mind boggling. Apparently muggles and wizards had different rules about marriage for the moment.

“Oh,” James said. He didn’t let go of him or react too badly aside from puzzlement. “Well, I s’pose you could adopt.”

Sirius laughed, although it was a bit hollow. He didn’t know what he was hoping for, but he knew that it was more monumental than this. Maybe a part of him wanted James to confess something back and forget Lily. Sirius would never fall out of love with James Potter and it  _ ached _ . He wanted this to be  _ different _ . Even if it wasn't a bad reaction, it wasn't the one that he wanted.

“How do you know that you are?” James asked, pulling back from the hug and looking at him curiously. That was different– just not in the way that he had hoped. It was too far on the edge of questioning him about it or disbelief than Sirius would have liked.

“You know the muggle bloke that taught us how to dress properly like muggles over the summer holidays?” Sirius asked.

“Yeah?” 

“I sucked him off a few times,” Sirius said, mostly to be _spiteful_. James had seemed to question him and  _ hadn’t _ done that in the premonition, but Sirius just knew that he would be all right with it no matter what, so he couldn’t resist pushing his buttons. He wanted to throw James off kilter.

“Oh,” James said, face reddening. “Yes. I suppose that would do it.”

“Want to test it and see if you’re completely straight?” Sirius asked before he could think better of it.

James looked aghast for a split second and then laughed, clapping Sirius on the back. “Nice one,” he said. “I s’pose I deserved that for asking a personal question, right? It’s fine that you’re gay, and I really do believe you. Sorry.”

Sirius smiled. He looked back at the lake, heart aching even more than he thought possible.

“It’s a shame some people are still bad about it. If you felt comfortable telling everyone about it... then as the second most handsome Gryffindor I would get a lot more attention from girls y’know— seeing how the first most handsome likes blokes and is no longer an option for them,” James said.

“You think that I’m the most handsome?” Sirius asked, smiling and laughing nervously.

“It’s pretty obvious that you are,” James said with a grin and it could  _ almost _ be construed as flirting. He stood and offered his hand to help Sirius up.

Sirius took it and stood, still not sure if anything was truly different. At the very least, he wouldn’t have to be as discreet as he was in the past– or future as the current case was.

“Let’s go back inside before our robes get soaked through. I’m already damp and don’t like it,” James said.

“The bugs have already started to bite too,” Sirius said, reaching down and scratching at his itchy legs. When he stood back upright, James averted his gaze almost as if he were embarrassed.

“Let’s go,” James told him, and hurried off.

“Oi! Wait for me!” Sirius said, chasing after him. Then, because no one else was enough of an idiot to be outside in this weather, he switched into Padfoot mid-stride to catch up to James.

“That’s not fair! Cheating!” James said with a laugh, running faster. James was always faster than him, but dogs were built for speed.

Sirius raced to the doors and changed back on the stone steps. He turned and waited for James. Everything had hurt a bit less while he was a dog, but it did come rushing back. James was still laughing as he ran towards him, but the fun of the moment was ruined for Sirius– still dwelling on James completely still on the floor in a cottage in Godric’s Hollow.

“Cheer up- you won even if you cheated,” James told him. “What’s the matter?”

Sirius shrugged, because talking about the premonition hadn’t done any good so far, even if he was dwelling on it. 

“It’ll be fine, Padfoot. Don’t worry,” James said, tone far more gentle and less dismissive than it had been when they had been discussing the premonition. “You’ll be alright. You’ll find a nice bloke and get married. You can adopt. I’ll be the best man at your wedding.”

Sirius let out a choked sob, because he didn’t want James to be  _ the best man _ .

James wrapped his arms back around Sirius tightly. “It’s okay. You’re alright. Are you worried about Remus and Peter? They’ll be fine with it. So will my parents. Don’t be scared,” he told him.

“I’m not scared,” Sirius said shakily, although it was unconvincing with tears streaming down his cheeks and snot getting onto James’s robes. He wrapped his arms around James more tightly, as if holding onto him tight enough would keep him from marrying Lily and from dying. He could live with them just being friends if only they could stay best friends for years and years rather than having it all end in less than five. He wanted decades with James, not something shorter than the time that they’d already spent together.

“It’s okay to be scared,” James whispered. It wasn’t comfort over what he needed the comfort for, but Sirius must have sounded completely torn up and broken because James was rubbing over his back and rocking them both where they stood. He kept whispering comforting words and reassurances. It couldn’t fix the premonition or the future, but James’s whispers and murmurs were calming. Had James ever held him like this? He did hold him nearly as carefully when Sirius had ran away from home, but that was only once, and never again in the premonition that he'd had.

Yet the premonition was all bits and pieces of future memories replayed and Sirius couldn’t grasp at anything extra just like he couldn’t dredge up what he’d had for lunch a month ago.

“You’re safe, Padfoot. You’re safe. If anyone is rude about it, I’ll hex them, right?” James whispered.

Sirius nodded, still sniffing, but most of the worst of it had subsided. His body had threatened to start over with the sobbing when James had said  _ ‘you’re safe’ _ because James  _ wasn’t _ , but somehow Sirius had held it in without falling apart.

James patted Sirius’s back with a finality - ‘ _ we’re finished crying for the day, please let us be finished’  _ \- and opened the doors to the castle.

They headed back up to the dormitory.

Remus and Peter were playing exploding snap, and looked up as they entered the room.

“What’s wrong?” Remus asked, concerned. “Is the premonition-“

“Not the premonition,” James said shortly.

“Oh, then…” Remus said looking between them.

“I like blokes. I’m gay,” Sirius said with a shrug.

Both Remus and Peter were silent for a minute.

“I told him that I will be his best man at his wedding, so now would be a good time for similar reassurances since he was a bit torn up over telling us,” James nudged them.

“I’m er- happy that you told us. Sorry people are a bit off about it, but we won’t be. Or at least we’ll try not to be,” Remus said.

“I’ll be your best man too,” Peter said.

“There’s only one best man,” James told him.

“It’s the sentiment that counts,” Remus pointed out.

“Actually Peter was right- well, wrong, but he was still inadvertently right. There’s not a maid of honor since there’s no bride, so there could be two best men. Hypothetically,” Sirius said. He still didn’t want James to be his best man.

“I was right,” Peter said brightly. Then his face fell. “Are you going to have to move to a different room?”

“Why would I have to move to a different room?” Sirius asked.

“So that you can’t watch us change,” Peter said.

“I’m not going to watch you change,” Sirius said. “Especially not with Prongs in the room.”

“Exactly,” James said, playing along all too easily.

“What?” Peter asked. Remus looked equally confused.

“Well, he’s not going to spend time looking at you when he’s got this too look at,” James said, gesturing at himself. It was the same kind of cocky and conceited flirting that he did with Lily, but amplified to the point of ridiculousness. It was made into a joke and it left a sour taste in Sirius’s mouth and left him feeling bereft. If it were serious flirting it would be one thing, but-

“He’s right, y’know. All of that muscle from Quidditch practice really gets me going,” Sirius found himself joking back.

“I thought that you were straight,” Peter said dumbly to James.

“I love Lily,” James said with a shrug. Sirius clung to the hope that he  _ wasn’t _ straight since he didn’t confirm that directly. It still hurt. “Doesn’t mean that I can’t give Sirius a show sometimes.” He tugged off his damp robes as if to emphasize the point.

“I’ll make sure to enjoy it,” Sirius said with a grin, although he turned his back on James to give him privacy as he started changing out of his own wet robes.

“But-“

“They’re just joking, Peter. They’re not really flirting,” Remus told him. Even if Remus was the kindest of them all, his words could unintentionally sting worse than anyone else’s.

“Oh, so they’re just joking?” Peter asked. “Not really flirting?”

“No they’re practically brothers. It’s just something new to joke about. It’s a new shtick. They’ll stick with it for a month or so before they find something else to joke about. We’re just going to have to endure it for now,” Remus said.

“Should they be flirting if Sirius really does like blokes?” Peter asked.

Remus shrugged. “When have James and Sirius ever followed the rules?”

“Does it bother you?” James asked, fully dressed in Gryffindor pajamas then. Sirius had embarrassingly put on the same set without realizing it. “I’ll stop if it does.”

“No, of course not,” Sirius said, although he felt like his stomach was in knots. If they weren’t joking, it would be so much better. He could almost pretend that Remus was wrong and that James really was flirting and was only starting to test the waters between them. He didn’t want to put an end to that. He wished that it wasn’t a question. He wished that it was as simple as James and Lily’s ongoing flirtations that weren’t so much  _ ‘will they or won’t they?’ _ so much as  _ ‘when will they?’ _ He wished that it weren’t complicated, and that Remus and Peter weren’t making it more complicated by making James stop and  _ think _ about it. “As long as you don’t mind me admiring your abs- have you been weight lifting small dragons in your spare time and not telling us?” Sirius clicked his tongue and shook his head.

“Ah, Mr. Padfoot, a gentleman never shares his secrets! But perhaps if you want to know that badly, you can watch,” James countered teasingly.

“Is that an invitation, Mr. Prongs?” Sirius asked with a grin and raised eyebrows.

“Maybe,” James said, with a look on his face that indicated that it just might be.

Sirius couldn’t help his blush from that.

“They’re going to be insufferable,” Remus groaned.

“Why, Mr. Moony, I thought that you would be more supportive of Mr. Padfoot’s newfound happiness- or dare I say it? Gaiety,” James said.

Sirius snorted.

Remus pursed his lips into a thin line to indicate that he was not amused. The stoic expression lasted for five seconds before he laughed.

“As long as Mr. Padfoot doesn’t mind, I suppose you can continue your jocular antics towards his newfound attraction,” Remus conceded, joking along.

Sirius tried to reassure himself that he really didn’t mind. They were more immature about it than they had been in the premonition- but then again they were younger. And James was  _ flirting _ with him, even if Sirius wasn’t sure if he really meant it. And it was  _ fun _ . 

“Could we go get pudding from the kitchens?” Peter asked.

“Why not?” James said- and off they went.

——————————-

James was flirting with Lily  _ again _ . 

They were stopped in the corridor on the way to Transfiguration. Sirius was having to stand there through it because James and Sirius were always practically attached to the hip, and James was flirting so badly, yet Lily was laughing even if she teased him about it. She was  _ enjoying _ herself. 

“Mr. Prongs, I’m shocked! Flirting with dear Miss Evans and breaking my heart,” Sirius said when he had enough, although his own teasing hit a bit too close to home.

“Ah, forgive me, Mr. Padfoot. I know that I’ve left you bereft of attention far too long now. How long has it been? An entire minute now?” James teased right back. 

“It’s been  _ at least _ a full five minutes since I’ve had your affection, Mr. Prongs,” Sirius said with a smile.

Lily tilted her head curiously as she watched the exchange. “Is this a new flirting tactic, Potter? Making me jealous by flirting with your best friend?” she asked.

“That depends. Is it working?” James asked, slinging an arm around Sirius’s shoulders and tugging him closer. 

Lily laughed. “We’re going to be late for potions,” she said and turned, leaving them behind her. 

“You didn’t answer, Evans!” James shouted after her. 

“Now I’m really jealous, Mr. Prongs. Flirting together is our thing. Can’t share it with Evans, or I won’t do it anymore,” Sirius said, and this time he wasn’t teasing as much as he wished that he was.

“Oh, you know you won’t stop. You like it too much,” James said. Sirius hated it even more that he was right. 

“C’mon, let's get to potions before we’re late, unless you want people to think we’ve skived off to snog in an empty classroom,” Sirius said. 

“We could,” James said.

“Could what?” Sirius asked.

“Skive off and snog in an empty classroom,” James said. 

Sirius paused for just a moment too long, and James laughed it off, looping his arm through Sirius’s and dragging him towards the classroom. Sirius was left to wonder what they would have done if he had upped the ante in their playful flirting banter and kept it going instead of staring at James like he’d lost his mind. 

 

______________________________

 

_ His best friend was laying there and it couldn’t be real. It couldn’t. His body was too still, his eyes staring blankly up at the ceiling. His hands were cold– but not so cold that it was jarring. They could have just been out in the cold air rather than in the warmth of the Potter cottage. His face had wet droplets on them– Sirius’s tears, he realized. He wiped them gently dry and clean, and shut the unblinking eyes. He pressed a respectful kiss to his forehead although he remembered a warning about not kissing the dead. He couldn’t be dead. He thought he was going to die himself. _

“Sirius, wake up,” James whispered urgently. He shook his shoulders.

He realized that he was sobbing, making more noise than anyone had any right to make in the dormitories at night. 

“It’s just a nightmare,” James told him.

“You were gone. You were dead,” Sirius said brokenly, wrapping his arms tightly around James, immediately tugging him down on top of him.

“I’m here now. I’m here,” James reassured him, completely enveloping him in his arms even though Sirius was the taller of the two. 

“You shouldn’t be the one that’s comforting me. You’re the one that was dead,” Sirius told him shakily. 

“I’m not dead. See? Look. I’m right here,” James whispered. “It was just a bad dream.”

“I don’t want it to happen,” Sirius said brokenly.

“It won’t. It won’t. It’s just a dream, and the premonition that you had in divination won’t come true. You know that divination is all ridiculous anyway, right? Don’t be scared of it. You’re never scared. You’re the bravest person that I know,” James told him. 

“I’m not brave,” Sirius said.

“You are. You’re very brave. You left your parents. You always say what you’re thinking. You came out of the closet. You made McGonagall furious the other day. You’re very brave,” James said.

“Or stupid,” Sirius mumbled, although he did feel a little better. 

“Brave,” James told him. “You’re very brave, Padfoot.”

Sirius shrugged and nodded, still holding onto James tightly.

“Better?” James asked softly.

“Yeah,” Sirius said almost inaudibly.

“Good. Try to get some rest,” James said. As he started to get up and pull away, Sirius tightened his hold on him.

“Stay?” Sirius asked. He inwardly cursed the impulsive reaction. James would have to know he felt more for him than just friendship (albeit a very intense friendship) over wanting him to stay in his bed. 

James wavered for a moment, propped up on one arm and looking at Sirius, face entirely unreadable.

“You don’t have to,” Sirius continued. “I just…”

“I’m not going to die, Padfoot. Not tonight anyway,” James said, although he rolled over and slid under Sirius’s blankets with him. He shut the curtains around them. 

Sirius realized at that point that he really didn’t think this through. James lay on his back, awkwardly against Sirius’s side, and no matter how they would lay there wasn’t really enough room in the bed for the both of them. 

“Sit up a second,” James told him, and slid his arm under Sirius’s head.

He rested his head on James’s shoulder, and James’s arm wrapped around him. 

“Remus and Peter are going to have questions in the morning,” Sirius mumbled. 

“They’ll just know that my darling Mr. Padfoot couldn’t spend another night without me,” James teased. 

“Or maybe that you couldn’t resist climbing into my bed,” Sirius joked back. 

“Or that you couldn’t resist my charms and pleaded for me to stay the night with you,” James quipped. 

“Or that you couldn’t resist my dashing good looks and finally succumbed to temptation,” Sirius said.

James snorted at that. 

They were quiet for another moment.

“Or you–“

“Go to sleep, Padfoot,” James said softly, patting his shoulder.

“Fine,” Sirius said, although he wasn’t sure if he was going to get any sleep that night with James so close and  _ in his bed _ . They had  _ never _ shared a bed before. Sirius was hard, even if he didn’t want to do anything about it. He couldn’t let James notice it. Yet the proximity was enough that more than anything he wanted to be pressed up closer against him or snogged thoroughly rather than exchanging quips. 

They both lay there, not talking, but neither falling asleep either. James wasn’t finding sleep any easier than he was, but somehow was willing to stay with him through the night even over a ridiculous nightmare– at least James thought it was ridiculous even though the fear was all too real for Sirius– and provide silent comfort. 

After a certain point, Sirius felt more of an ache than excitement between his legs, and the hardness gradually subsided. It still took him a while after that to doze off next to James.

 

_____________________

 

The next couple of days involved entirely too much of Lily Evans for Sirius’s liking. He felt awful for disliking her, because she was a perfectly nice girl. He shouldn’t hate her, but he was still jealous. He was so painfully envious that he couldn't help disliking her at least a little. 

Eventually he had gotten frustrated with them both and left them to flirt while he went up to the dormitories. 

He climbed into his four poster bed, and settled so that he was propped up on some of the pillows. He made sure that the curtains were tightly shut and muttered a quick silencing charm, holding his wand.

The night prior he had a dream that he still wasn’t certain was entirely a dream, a fantasy, or something that could have happened in the future. Either way, when he unzipped his trousers and tugged down his pants, he was thinking of James.

He wasn’t sure if he would ever know if it was something that happened in the future, or if it were just his vivid imagination, but he could still feel James’s lips on his at a bachelor party before James’s wedding to Lily. Either way, it was perfect material to wank to and if James wasn’t spending time with him then he might as well have a little time alone with his thoughts. With a wave of his wand, he deposited a dollop of lube into his hand and wrapped his wet fingers around his cock.

Had they kissed at James’s bachelor party? All sloppy and drunk with want and unvoiced needs in a last desperate hurrah of what could never be between them? Had they rutted against each other, afraid to do more even with Sirius’s desperate pleas of ‘ _ Fuck me. Fuck me, Prongs. I dare you to fuck me’ _ ? Had James really felt that guilty and torn? Did Sirius promise himself never to beg James to run away with him and almost toss that promise out the window that night?

Even if it wasn’t real, or at least not a real premonition, it felt real enough that he could practically feel James’s cock slick against his, rutting with their trousers down rather than off entirely–– and Sirius’s hand had never felt so good on his own cock as it did with that fantasy. 

The curtains of his four poster opened and James stuck his head in through the Gryffindor red and gold before looking down between Sirius’s legs. His eyes went wide and face almost as red as the curtains as he gawked— first at Sirius’s hand still wrapped around his cock and then into his eyes.

“If you’re not going to help me out, then get out,” Sirius said with a raising of his eyebrows. He aimed for a mix of cheeky and teasing, still gripping himself. 

“I er– well,” James said, awkwardly clearing his throat. He seemed to contemplate Sirius’s statement and upped the ante. “I s’pose I could give you a hand.”

“I s’pose you could,” Sirius said almost hopefully. He squeezed himself a little tighter.

James laughed then and awkwardly rubbed the back of his neck. It almost looked like he could be considering it, but then they were only really joking- except Sirius hadn’t been joking. “Let me know when you’re finished,” he said, turning and leaving him there.

Sirius stared at the door when James shut it and flopped back on the bed. “Fuck,” he muttered, and recast his silencing charm. He breathed shakily and stroked over himself slowly for a moment as he mulled over potential fantasies to bring himself off.

He could have been above pulling the power play that he did just the moment prior. Rather than keep gripping his cock after being caught- making James the weirder one for staying- he could have pulled his hand out of his pants all shame faced and just been the one caught masturbating. That wasn’t his style, but would James have still offered him a hand with it?

He thumbed over the tip of his cock as he imagined James being so sweet and kind about it ‘ _ oh… Padfoot, it’s okay. Don’t be embarrassed. _ ’ He could just picture James kindly reassuring him- all the way into bed with him and taking over for him as he murmured sweet reassurances and did absolutely filthy things to his cock and maybe even inside his arse.

Of course, it wouldn’t have gone like that.

Sirius stroked himself faster and harder then. What if he had stuck his head out and had said  _ ‘I thought you said you could give me a hand? _ ’ James could have slipped in, put up the silencing charm for the two of them again, and grabbed his cock roughly, stroking over him fast and hard, all the while telling him what he was going to do to him after to get himself off too.

He added a little extra lube to his fingers and slid the between his cheeks, slipping them inside of himself. He rubbed at his prostate as he thrust up into his hand. He cried out as he came to the imagined version of James’s voice whispering about fucking him lowly in his ear.

He took a moment to catch his breath. He eased slick fingers out of himself and cleaned up the mess quickly with a charm. 

He fixed his pants and trousers. He breathed out a heavy sigh. A few more moments and he managed to collect himself enough that he was sure he wasn’t red faced anymore, and cleaned the sweat off. He took down the silencing charm and swung his legs out of bed before getting up and standing.

“Thinking about me?” James teased, and Sirius was positive that he was getting his hopes up, because James looked entirely too pleased at the thought. He was sitting cross legged on his own bed, holding one of their textbooks.

“You know it, Prongs,” Sirius quipped back. “Now what was so important that you had to go and interrupt my wank?”

“It’s not that important. I didn’t really interrupt though, did I? I told you to finish up,” James pointed out.

“And so I did,” Sirius said with an even voice, the only ounce of visible embarrassment the light blush across his cheeks. “So, what did you want to tell me?”

“I wanted to ask if you wanted to go annoy Madam Rosmerta and get butterbeers,” James said. 

“Of course. Thanks for waiting up for me,” Sirius said.

“Anytime– even if you are tossing off to the thought of me,” James teased. 

“Well, you do make the best fantasy,” Sirius teased.

James laughed and headed downstairs with Sirius following behind him and eventually catching up to walk together. James couldn’t know that Sirius was being honest about it.

 

________________________

 

“Oi, I’m going to be late to divination,” James said. 

“It’s your fault for flirting with Evans and putting us behind schedule. You could drop it like I did, you know. Then you wouldn’t be late,” Sirius said.

“I don’t know why I’m still taking it,” James admitted. “D’you know that Professor Syradis suggested that I’m going to have one adopted child? One. I want at least two, maybe three. I don’t mind so much if they’re adopted, but the idea of just one? They’d be so bored. It’s nice enough being an only child, but it’s nicer to have someone around, y’know.”

“I know,” Sirius said. He chewed at his lip. “Y’know, you could skive off if you’re thinking about dropping it.”

“I s’pose,” James said. 

“I might take you up on the offer that you made last time,” Sirius said.

“What’s that?” James asked.

“You remember,” Sirius said, nudging him with his elbow.

James frowned.

“You forgot that you offered to snog me in an empty classroom? Why, Mr. Prongs, am I that forgettable?” Sirius quipped.

James laughed at that, going a bit red faced. He rubbed at the back of his neck. “I did sort of forget about that,” he said.

“Hm, see if I offer again!” Sirius said with mock outrage.

“It’s quite the offer, isn’t it, Mr. Padfoot?” James asked with a grin.

“Quite,” Sirius said with an amused quirk to his lips. He still wasn’t sure if he was allowed to bring up prior teasing in their little game of flirtation. 

“Aren’t you two supposed to be in class?” 

They both looked to the side to see Professor McGonagall. 

“No, professor. I dropped divination. I have a free period. I think James is still deciding if he’s dropping it though,” Sirius said, glancing back at him.

“I’ll get going. See you after class, Padfoot,” James said quickly, and hurried down the corridor. 

Sirius sighed and headed in the opposite direction towards the library.

 

__________________________   
  


He wasn’t quite sure how he managed this. Sirius was often prone to getting himself into awkward positions. At the moment he had somehow awkwardly gotten himself into a prone position. 

The chaser for the Ravenclaw team (because Sirius was that cliché and the boy really did have a similar build to James) had him pinned against the grass near the Black lake, trying to discreetly hide behind a couple of trees. They weren’t hiding very well. He was a Ravenclaw, so he had the potential to be very bright, but he wasn’t good at hiding, although that was partly Sirius’s fault since he could have easily hidden them much better.

Still, the Ravenclaw chaser was kissing and biting at the back of his neck, rutting up against his backside quickly while grunting, and panting. Sirius rolled his hips back upwards against him, and it didn’t take long for the other boy to muffle his cries into Sirius’s back as he came in his trousers.

Sirius rolled over and tugged him back on top of him, kissing him even though he was far too sloppy, still a bit addled from his climax. He still urged him on with open mouthed kisses in spite of the clumsiness, wanting to get something out of it besides being rutted against by another bloke too straight laced to admit that he might be less than completely straight. 

It was a poor choice, but it was a distraction from the premonitions that weren’t quite memories rattling around in his head. He had known it was a poor choice when he got into it. 

The snogging was less enthusiastic though, now that the Ravenclaw had his fulfillment out of it. It felt like more of an obligation– a sort of reluctant turn taking. 

“Padfoot– oh. I didn’t realize that you were busy. I was looking for you. I’ll come back later,” James said. 

“S’fine,” Sirius said, rolling out from under him. “We were finished anyway.”

“We were?” the Ravenclaw asked, sounding a mixture of relieved and perplexed.

“Yeah. See you around,” Sirius said, dragging James off quickly.

“I didn’t know that you had a boyfriend,” James said.

“He’s not my boyfriend,” Sirius said.

“He had his tongue in your mouth,” James pointed out.

“If you hadn’t interrupted he might have had a lot more in my mouth,” Sirius told him.

“Really?” James asked, glancing back over his shoulder.

Sirius shrugged.

“Should I be jealous, Mr. Padfoot?” James asked teasingly.

“Only a little. He wasn’t any good,” Sirius said. “He could never compare to the wonderful Mr. Prongs.”

“Ah, but he was a Quidditch player. And a chaser at that,” James said.

“A poor substitute. Alas, Mr. Prongs has rejected all of my requests for snogging,” Sirius said. “My heart can’t take it. I had to try to move on, as woeful of an effort as it was.”

“My condolences on your terrible snogging experience,” James said. 

“It was dreadful. I made him come in his trousers right on my arse and he didn’t even want to reciprocate. Can you believe it?” Sirius said, although his tone must have been a little off, because James looked at him strangely.

“Are you okay?” James asked more sincerely, dropping their usual lighthearted teasing tone. His voice was lower and more concerned. 

“Yeah,” Sirius said, and chewed at one of his fingernails. “Just wasn’t fun being looked at like I don’t matter  _ at all _ after he got off.”

“You matter,” James said quietly.

“Not to him,” Sirius said. “Other than my arse.”

It was far too weighty of a moment for both of them.

“Well, it is a  _ nice _ arse, Mr. Padfoot, although I daresay that your other attributes are equally as appealing,” James teased, and they were back on a level that they could handle.

Sirius snorted. “Berk,” he said. “A lovable one though.”

“Want to go to Hogsmeade and get your mind off of it?” James asked.

“Love to,” Sirius said. 

_________________________

 

“I can’t believe we’re reviewing again in potions today. I don’t want to go,” James groaned. “I’m going to lose it if we spend another day reviewing. We already know everything. It’s not our fault half of the class doesn’t get it. Why can’t we move on already?”

Sirius shrugged. “Half of the class doesn’t get it. We can’t help it that we’re brilliant.”

“Look on the bright side,” Remus said. “At least we’ll have a more thorough understanding. We can always learn more about it.”

“I think that I almost get it,” Peter said hesitantly.

“I’m going to lose it,” James said again. “It’s mind numbing. How can you stand it?”

“I can’t stand it either,” Sirius said. “Bored out of my mind.”

“Again, we’ll learn something new– always learning something,” Remus said.

“You can’t honestly believe that,” James said. “Where is Slughorn anyway?”

“Late,” Sirius said. “Mr. Prongs, are you sure that you don’t want to skive off today? The offer of snogging still stands.”

“Careful Mr. Padfoot. I might just take you up on it. Even snogging you would be more interesting than another review lesson,” James quipped.

“Are you implying that snogging me would be boring? I take offense,” Sirius said.

James stared at him for just a moment longer. “C’mon, before Slughorn gets back and we’re trapped.” He took hold of Sirius’s arm and tugged him up.

“See you after class- unless you two want to join us?” Sirius quipped at Remus and Peter.

“Nope,” Remus said.

“I think I’ll fail if I skive off,” Peter said dismally, although he sounded as if he genuinely wanted to go.

“ _ C’mon _ ,” James said more urgently. 

Sirius followed quickly behind him and they ducked into an empty classroom before Slughorn could spot them. 

James shut the door behind them. 

“Well, I didn’t think that you would take me up on the offer, even if you offered first,” Sirius teased.

Then he found himself pressed up against the door of the classroom, and James was kissing him, genuinely kissing him. It wasn’t at a bachelor party where it was  _ too late _ . He wasn’t dating Lily. It was just James and Sirius, alone in an empty classroom, James’s lips against his, chapped and too dry but somehow perfect regardless. 

Sirius slid his arms around James’s waist. This was so different from anything that his premonition had indicated. James was kissing him softly at first, but then with enough passion that it made Sirius squirm. 

In spite of all of the teasing flirtation that they had done, Sirius hadn’t actually expected any of it to go anywhere even while hoping that it would. 

James was kissing down his neck, sucking at soft skin and biting down gently enough to keep it from hurting yet drawing moans from Sirius. 

“I thought that you were joking,” Sirius said breathlessly.

“I thought that  _ you _ were joking,” James told him.

“Not joking,” Sirius said, kissing at James’s neck.

“Me neither,” James told him. He kissed him roughly on the lips then, making Sirius whimper. “I think Slughorn’s passed. Want to make a run for it back to the dormitories?”

Sirius could only nod.

They ran through the corridors and up the stairs to the Gryffindor tower. They were both breathless by the time they made it back to the dormitories, although they picked up where they had left off, James kissing Sirius and tugging him to his bed. 

He wrapped his legs around James’s waist as James pressed him down onto the bed, kissing him needfully and open mouthed. Sirius couldn’t help but press his hips upwards, trying to get some kind of contact, some kind of friction, as he tightened his legs around him.

“I can’t even think with you doing that,” James told him, rocking his hips down against Sirius’s in response. 

“Fuck me,” Sirius whispered, because he couldn’t help himself. He couldn’t help but echo the past or the future premonition, or whatever the hell it was even if it was just a dream still rattling around in his mind. “Fuck me, Prongs. Fuck me."

James stilled his rocking and rutting for a moment. He kissed Sirius’s neck, and then started rocking against him again. 

Sirius wanted to scream in frustration. “Prongs,” he whispered, just against the shell of James’s ear, making him shiver. He wouldn’t forgive himself if he let the moment pass, if he didn’t ask. If he let it go like he could have done at another time, in another place. “Fuck me. I dare you to fuck me.”

James groaned and reached down, undoing both of their trousers, tugging them down and off. Sirius peeled off their shirts and wrapped his legs back around him, both of them entirely bare this time rather than rushed with trousers half down. His cock had enough precome to slide wetly against James’s, both of them hard and aching. 

“Please fuck me,” he pleaded with him, so much more desperate than he’d sounded before. 

“Don’t want to hurt you,” James told him, hands gripping Sirius’s hips as they rutted together. 

“James,” Sirius whined, changing the angle of their hips as he slid his legs up higher, so that James brushed against his balls and then against his crack. He kissed up along the side of James’s neck, nose grazing messy hair. He nibbled at the sensitive skin there. “I want you inside me. Fuck me.”

James faltered with a funny little strangled noise. He sat up and Sirius nearly wanted to cry out of frustration. He was grabbing his wand though, then using a familiar spell, filling his hand with a dollop of lube. He pointed the wand between Sirius’s legs, murmured the spell again, and Sirius made a soft surprised noise as an entirely too much lube filled his opening. He wasn’t going to protest the extra generous amount though.

“I need you inside me. Wanted it for so long– forever,” Sirius said, and it did feel like entirely too long. 

James groaned as he stroked over himself a couple times to coat his cock in lube and pressed to his opening. He sunk into him slowly until his cock was completely enveloped inside of Sirius. His fingers wrapped around Sirius’s cock and he started thrusting slowly. 

“Fuck, Prongs,” Sirius groaned, rocking his hips up against him. 

“Wanted you,” James mumbled. He thrust into him faster, his hand working over Sirius’s cock in time with his thrusts, thumbing over the tip on some of the upstrokes. He was coated in the remnants of lube from James’s hand and the precome he was leaking. 

“Fuck me, fuck me,” Sirius whispered hotly against James’s ear, this time more triumphantly, rocking his hips in time with James’s thrusts. “Harder.”

“Love you, Padfoot. Love you,” James breathed between grunts and groans as he thrust harder into him. 

“Love you too,” Sirius breathed, hips matching James’s thrusts.

James cried out a muffled noise against Sirius’s shoulder, biting down on his skin to help stifle it. He kept thrusting as he spilled out into him, movements more erratic. He kept stroking over Sirius’s cock, although it was far more jerky and less steady. It was still enough to be heady and Sirius thrust up faster into his hand before crying out as his own release spilled over James’s hand.

They stayed like that, just panting and breathing heavily, looking at each other with grins on their faces. 

James licked his lips. “You’ve made a mess on my hand, Mr. Padfoot,” he teased, although it was far more affectionate this time.

Sirius looked down between them and laughed. “You think that’s a mess? Get a load of what you did to my arse,” he said. 

James grinned and slowly eased out of him. He looked down between them, lightly brushing his fingers over Sirius’s opening, as if reassuring himself that he didn’t hurt him. “Too much lube,” he said.

“You think?” Sirius asked sarcastically, raising an eyebrow.

James laughed and grabbed his wand, cleaning them both up quickly. “Better?”

“Better,” Sirius confirmed, sitting up slowly. He kissed James’s lips softly. “You really love me, Mr. Prongs? Or was that pillow talk?”

“I really love you,” James said with a smile.

Sirius felt his heart skip a beat. He grinned and wrapped his arms back around James tightly, tugging him back down on top of him. He decided premonitions were ridiculous after all.    
  
  



End file.
